Marriage With No Regrets

In a recent article in the New York Times Science section (January 10, 2012), Jane Brody writes about living life meaningfully and moving into the “graying” years with no regrets.  She draws from a recent book entitled 30 Lessons for Living by Karl Pillemer, professor of human development at the College of Human Ecology at Cornell. The book highlights those aspects of life considered to be most important and fulfilling by over a 1000 older Americans from all economic/educational/ethnic strata. These older Americans were interviewed as part of an ongoing Cornell Legacy Project.  Based on what they did right and wrong in their lives, they offer their thoughts and advice about having a satisfying and successful life.  Brody summarizes the thoughts of these senior citizens and the first topic she addresses is marriage.  Interestingly she herself personally notes that she believes the high rates of divorce today speak to an impulsiveness to marry and a tenuous commitment to vows of “till death do us part.”

Here is Brody’s poignant summary of the “graying” citizens’ comments about marriage:

A satisfying marriage that lasts a lifetime is more likely to result when partners are fundamentally similar and share the same basic values and goals.  Although romantic love initially brings most couples together, what keeps them together is an abiding friendship, an ability to communicate, a willingness to give and take, and a commitment to the institution of marriage as well as to each other…..An 89-year-old woman who was glad she stayed in her marriage even though her young husband’s behavior was adversely affected by his military service said, ‘Too many young people now are giving  up too early, too soon.’  Read the entire article at http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/10/health/elderly-experts-share-life-advice-in-cornell-project.html?_r=1&ref=janeebrody

I will write more about the “impulsive and tenuous” attitude about marriage in the next blog entry.